


Talk to Me

by in_a_pynch, npa246846



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Domestic Violence, Eating Disorders, Fluff and Angst, Harvard Student Adam Parrish, Harvard University, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Light Angst, M/M, POV Ronan Lynch, Robert Parrish Is His Own Warning, Ronan Lynch Loves Adam Parrish, Ronan Lynch is Bad at Feelings, Sweet Ronan Lynch
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-29
Updated: 2020-12-29
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:42:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,919
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28404936
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/in_a_pynch/pseuds/in_a_pynch, https://archiveofourown.org/users/npa246846/pseuds/npa246846
Summary: Ronan knew Adam. And because he knew Adam, he also knew that things have been off. At first, Ronan was going to wait for Adam to come to him, like the adults they were. But that was before Adam’s roommate texted Ronan. And now Ronan is in Cambridge.
Relationships: Ronan Lynch/Adam Parrish
Comments: 10
Kudos: 127





	Talk to Me

**Author's Note:**

> Slight AU that takes place after The Raven King. Some Call Down the Hawk spoilers.
> 
> TW: Domestic Abuse, Eating Issues due to anxiety
> 
> This is my first fic so I’d love to hear your thoughts! xx
> 
> Also I made a tumblr! It’s @in-a-pynch

Ronan pauses in the entry way to the dorms at Harvard, struck by what some might call anxiety. Except it’s not. Because Ronan doesn’t get anxious.

_What if he doesn’t want me here? What if everything is fine and I’m overreacting?_

Ronan clamped down on that idea fast. He _knew_ Adam. And because he knew Adam, he also knew that things have been off, and Adam was trying to pretend that they weren’t. At first, Ronan was going to wait for Adam to come to him, like the adults they were. Ronan didn’t like the idea of him having to beg Adam for information any time something was wrong. But that was before Adam’s roommate, Eliot, texted Ronan. Ronan swiped at his screen to look at the message again.

**Yesterday 5:30 PM**

**Crybaby 1**

**Hey, I hate to do this but I’ve got to ask, is anything up with you and Adam? He’s been acting strange and distant for like 3 weeks now and every time we mention it he says he’s “fine.” The man is running exclusively on 5 hour energy drinks and granola bars twice a day. We’re getting worried but he won’t talk to us.**

That text was what put Ronan over the edge. He’d hoped that if Adam wasn’t talking to him, he would at least be getting support from his other friends. He hadn’t seen it until late, but he had immediately sent a response.

**Yesterday 10:03 PM**

**No idea. Be up tomorrow.**

Ronan paused, then:

**Don’t tell Adam.**

So now Ronan was in Cambridge. Standing outside his boyfriend’s building like some sort of coward. He knew Adam missed him. At least, he sure missed Adam. Still, the fear that Adam wouldn’t tell him what has been bothering him or, worse, _Ronan_ is what has been bothering Adam, kept him glued to the sidewalk.

_Deep breaths. What the fuck is wrong with me?_

Ronan decided to take the stairs. For exercise, obviously. Not because he was nervous. Despite his racing thoughts, Ronan had to admit he was excited to see his boyfriend. Adam hadn’t made it back for spring break this year, and it had been far too long since Ronan had a chance to see his Magician. Stopping in front of Adam’s door, Ronan shrugged his backpack more squarely onto his shoulders, gave his trademarked slouch, rolled his eyes at his own ridiculousness, and then knocked.

The door opened. Ronan blinked. Adam stared. It was Adam that broke the silence.

“Ro? What are you doing here?”

For a second, Ronan had to gather himself, not really believing his eyes.

_What the fuck Parrish?_

Ronan wrapped his arms around Adam and pressed his cheek to the top of Adam’s head. Rather than give a real reply, a reply which Adam certainly would not have liked, he shrugged into the embrace and simply said,

“I missed you.”

Ronan doesn’t lie, but he also loves his boyfriend enough not to tell the whole truth. Yet. Instead, Ronan squeezed tighter.

_Fuck he’s lost weight… Eliot wasn’t kidding about the granola bars._

Adam pulled away enough to look at Ronan’s face, likely trying to read his expression to see if there was more. Whatever he decided, he didn’t elaborate, replying with a tentative smile and a kiss.

“Yeah, well I missed you too, you sap.”

Ronan scowled without any real malice. “Shut up Parrish.”

Adam pulled away fully, but linked their fingers together, using them to tug Ronan into the dorm. Ronan shut the door and followed Adam into the tiny, but still cozy, bedroom. Ronan tossed his backpack on the floor and turned around to Adam pushing himself up onto the slightly elevated twin bed. Ronan stopped and took Adam in for just a moment.

As sexy as his boyfriend was, it was not a good moment.

Despite the smirk on Adam’s face as he watched Ronan get situated, his face showed the marks of what could only be pure exhaustion. Dark circles lined his kind eyes, and his bottom lip was chapped from where Adam nervously chewed on it. Just like he was doing right now, as Ronan so obviously analyzed his appearance. Fuck. Ronan forced himself to smile, he didn’t want to ruin the reunion.

_We’ll talk about this tomorrow, Parrish._

“You know, Opal’s going to kill me for coming to see you without her,” Ronan admitted.

Adam laughed.

_Damn if I didn’t miss that laugh more than anything._

“Oh yeah?” He replied, “Chainsaw isn’t enough to keep her occupied for the weekend? What ever will she do without you there to brood at her?”

“No you idiot,” Ronan vaulted himself onto the bed, planting himself firmly on the pillows. “The problem isn’t that I’m not there. The _problem_ is that she isn’t here with your smiling face…” Ronan faltered for a second, realizing that if Eliot was being honest, this is probably the first time Adam has smiled in a while. Ronan pulled his leg onto the bed to untie his combat boots. Pulling one off and chucking it at the wall, before repeating the process with the other to procrastinate starting another conversation other than, _‘What is your deal?’_. Adam must have sensed his hesitation, quickly saying,

“So, have you completed any of those projects you had set out to do on the farm the last time I was home?”

Ronan glowed at Adam’s description of the Barns as home and, just like that, Ronan and Adam talked as though nothing was wrong. Chattering about the new floors Ronan was putting in one of the stables and the new cow Opal had taken a liking to. Time slipped away as the two boys filled each other in on things too trivial to be worth mentioning in their phone calls. Not that Ronan didn’t notice Adam deflecting questions about himself or how his classes were going or what he had been up to with his friends lately. Ronan absolutely did, and each denial and topic change had his hackles raising because _why won’t he just tell me what’s wrong?_

Ronan was uncomfortably reminded of the early days of his and Adam’s friendship. When it had been clear that they had more in common than Gansey’s unyielding loyalty, but still didn’t quite trust each other with the things that mattered. The days when Adam would show up with a black eye and reply “Oh this? My hand slipped at the shop and I dropped a tool on my own face while under a car, dumb right?” Or the weeks after that god-awful dream when Ronan didn’t sleep because “fuck off Parrish, if I needed another Gansey I’d let you know.”

Ronan went to pick up pizza so as not to absolutely lose it.

And it worked. Mostly. Well, it worked until Adam sat there on the bed claiming he was full after having only picked at one small piece of pizza. Ronan ignored him, shoving another slice of veggie into Adam’s hand.

“You need to eat. Chainsaw eats more than you.”

Adam sighed, putting the pizza back into the box, not doing anything to help Ronan’s already stellar mood.

“I eat.”

“Fuck off with that bullshit, Parrish. When was the last time you ate a full meal?”

“Ronan,” Adam rolled his eyes playfully, clearly trying to lighten the mood. “You’re overreacting—“

“Am I, Adam? You see, I don’t think I am, because it appears this isn’t the only thing you’ve not been upfront with me on recently.”

Adam’s eyes went cold.

“Cool, I was wondering when we were going to get to the actual reason you’re here right now.”

“Can I not just want to see my boyfriend after two fucking months apart?”

“Don’t lie to me, Ronan. You’re bad at it.”

“That’s fucking rich coming from you.” Ronan combated dryly, trying to restrain his frustration.

“And what is that supposed to mean?”

Ronan laughed without humor. “It means that for some fucking reason my boyfriend has been falling apart at the seams for weeks and didn’t tell me shit until it got so bad that his roommate texted me to see if he was okay! It means that you don’t look like you’ve been sleeping enough and you _definitely_ haven’t been eating enough but you still start every phone call with ‘I’m doing fine how ‘bout you, Ro?’ It means that for some reason I’m being shut out, and you won’t tell me what I did wrong!”

After airing his frustrations, Ronan deflated. He rubbed his hands over his face, then through his hair to rest on his neck, curling in on himself. He sighed, resigning himself to whatever answer his boyfriend had to give. “What did I do wrong, Adam?” His voice cracked.

Ronan looked up at Adam, who looked smaller than Ronan had seen him in a long time. As soon as the question had sunk in, Adam was immediately shaking his head, reaching to hold Ronan’s face between his warm dry palms.

“No, no.. Fuck, Ro, this isn’t your fault at all.”

Ronan put his hands on top of Adam’s, whose thumbs were rubbing small circles on Ronan’s cheeks.

“Then what _is_ going on Adam? If it isn’t me that’s the problem, then why won’t you open up to me? I haven’t felt this distant from you since before you left that fucking trailer—“

Adam froze, a look in his eyes that Ronan hadn’t seen in a while: fear and… _is that guilt?_ Ronan grabbed Adam’s hands tighter as the realization seeped in.

_Robert Fucking Parrish._

“When?” Ronan said with steel in his voice, lowering their hands from his face but still gripping them tightly.

Adam avoided his eyes and gritted his teeth. “When what?”

“When did he fucking contact you Adam?”

“Ro you don’t get it. This is my fault.”

“In what universe has anything _he’s_ ever done to you been your fault..”

“I told them they could—“

“Could what?!”

“Could contact me and—“

“And why the fuck did you tell him that?!”

“For god’s sake Ronan would you let me finish?” Adam said harshly.

Ronan closed his mouth, took a deep breath, and then opened it to use a word he’d been practicing.

“Sorry. Go ahead.”

Adam’s face softened, and then returned to the guilty look he’d displayed earlier.

“When I graduated..” Adam swallowed. “When I graduated I went back to see my mom. I did it while my dad was at work. I had some crazy idea in my head that now that I had graduated and made it into an Ivy League that she would maybe listen to me for the first time in my life…” Adam trailed off, lost in his thoughts.

Ronan squeezed his hands and Adam’s eyes focused again.

“I had gotten it in my head,” he continued, “that my mom wanted to leave just as bad as I did. That she too was tired of my da— Robert’s behavior and would want to leave if she had another option. I asked her to move to Cambridge with me.”

Ronan inhaled sharply. _Why didn’t he tell me?_

“I figured that we could get an apartment and drop off of Robert Parrish’s map. It wouldn’t have been easy, but god if I didn’t want to do for her what you did for me.” Adam’s eyes went glassy and he squeezed Ronan’s hands tighter. “She said no, of course. Told me that she loves him and everything that happened was my fault, but it was obvious she was trying to convince herself more than she was trying to convince me.” Adam took a big inhale and then exhaled. “I said okay. I know as well as anyone that you can’t leave a situation like that until you’re ready, and even then sometimes it just doesn’t work out like that.” A tear leaked down his cheek, which he wiped clumsily on his shoulder as to not let go of Ronan’s hands.

“I gave her my phone number, just in case she changed her mind. I wanted to let her know that there’s a way out, even if she chooses not to take it.” Adam stopped, trying to calm himself, but Ronan could tell that wasn’t the end of the story.

“She called for the first time about a month ago and told me she was done, that she wanted to leave. I was so relieved. I told her to pack a bag and let me know a time and place, that I would drive down to pick her up. That we would figure something out. I immediately got online and started looking for apartments… I even applied for another job so that I could pay for it. But then I didn’t hear from her for a whole day, and I was getting worried. I didn’t want to call her in case _he_ picked up because then she wouldn’t be safe, so I waited. A day and a half after she called the first time she called again and said she had made a mistake. That I needed to stop planting ideas in her head and that their marital problems were all my fault anyway. I could tell she didn’t mean it, that she was scared, but that doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt.” The tears were flowing freely down Adam’s face at this point, but he seemed not able to bring himself to care.

“To make things even better, somehow Robert got ahold of my number,”

Ronan felt his shoulder’s tense.

“And, now, he calls me three or four times a week to remind me of how I ruined him and my mother, how his drunkenness is a result of how difficult I have made their lives, and how my entitlement was really the root of his inability to hold a job. Somehow.” Adam managed a watery chuckle in spite of himself, and then sobered. “I can’t block him because mom might change her mind. I can’t possibly imagine where I would be if you and Gansey gave up on me every time it caused you a bit of trouble.”

Ronan’s heart ached in his chest, knowing Adam was never any trouble to either him or Gansey, but also knowing Adam was not in a place to hear this. Instead, he pulled Adam into his arms, as if cradling him to the source of the hurt would soothe the pain. In some ways it worked. Ronan took a minute to gather his thoughts (also something he had been practicing) before he spoke.

“You have the kindest heart of anyone I know and the patience of a saint, Adam Parrish. I am so sorry that your kindness is being punished.”

Adam shook his head and the tears ran faster down his face as Adam turned around and swung his leg over Ronan’s. Now straddling him, Adam leaned his head on Ronan’s chest, hearing his voice vibrate through his good ear.

“I know you think that there is no other way to deal with this other than continually putting yourself through the very abuse you worked so hard to escape from. I want you to remember that, as much as your mom is a victim, she also had a duty as your mom to protect you and care for you.” Ronan kissed the top of Adam’s head. “She hasn’t held up her end of the bargain for the last 20 years. It’s a lot to ask of yourself to play the part she should have been playing all along when it means you have to face the very same verbal abuse she was complicit in.”

Adam nodded, but Ronan could tell that, while Adam knew logically that his mom’s situation is not his burden to bear, he couldn’t yet make his emotions reflect that reality. Suddenly, Adam sat up, face to face with Ronan.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, Ronan,” he said softly. “I was embarrassed I got myself into this, and I knew you wouldn’t have approved of me talking to my mom again. I didn’t want to burden you with a problem that you would have been able to avoid.”

Ronan scoffed gently. “Idiot. I wouldn’t have known if I could avoid that problem or not because I’m not you. As much as I care about your experiences and try to empathize, it would be very unfair of me to make assumption based on my own life. I need you to talk to me. It sucks feeling distant and hopeless.”

Adam sniffed though the slowing tears, but smiled slightly. “Yeah, okay, Ro.”

“And we can handle this however you want. I am here for you regardless.” Ronan pulled his sleeves over his hands and used them to gently wipe off Adam’s face. “I just need you to work towards being okay again. Eating, sleeping… you know the basic bullshit we have to do as humans.” Ronan said with a half-smile.

Adam just looked at Ronan for a minute, giving him time to think, _Damn I’m lucky,_ before being pulled into a gentle kiss _._

“Now,” Ronan said with a yawn and a smile, “it’s time to catch up on some of that sleep you desperately need.” He ran his thumbs feather-light over Adam’s dark circles before tipping the two of them over in bed.

Ronan tangled their legs as he pulled the covers over them both.

_Fuck, I missed this._

“Tamquam,” Adam whispered into Ronan’s neck.

“Alter idem.”

Ronan closed his eyes as Adam snored softly. 

**Author's Note:**

> Typical Robert Parrish Bullshit towards Adam and Adam’s mother. Adam no longer lives with his parents. Slight description of aftermath of abuse, but not it being perpetrated.
> 
> Also Adam has trouble eating because he is stressed. Mention of involuntary weight loss.
> 
> Stay safe please!


End file.
